Our first break of any kind in 2022 was a very short trip both in duration and distance to the Warner Leisure Hotel of Lakeside on Hayling Island. Travelling time for us to get there from our house was a little over twenty minutes, and it was picked specifically so that we could finish work on a Friday evening, jump in a car, and be somewhere new for the weekend as quickly as possible. Our short holiday on Hayling Island would consist of just two nights and one full day at the Lakeside Coastal Village complex.
We didn’t just pick this particular hotel on Hayling Island as our holiday destination because of its proximity to our home in Portsmouth. We’d not been to a Warner Leisure Hotel before so wanted to see whether its adults only environment would appeal to us, but this particular weekend was described as an 80s one, with 80s music and a Tom Jones tribute act. The latter we weren’t too bothered about, but we’re fond of music in general, quite keen on 20th century music (after which we embraced old age a bit more and switched into “Kids today! What is this rubbish!?” mode), avid watchers and tweet-along people with the #TOTP crowd on Twitter, and we thought it just generally sounded like fun. It also sounded like a chance to just do something different for a few days.
Lakeside Coastal Village
Pre-trip information was a little on the sparse side for people who’d not been to the place before, consisting of opportunities to book dining and breakfast times plus a basic map of the hotel and grounds. It wasn’t clear what the check-in process was and the map seemed to indicate that all the parking spaces were a little way from reception. As it was we ended up parking very close to where our accommodation was so that wasn’t too bad, but it turned out that we also had reserved parking for us in another car park. Great, but since we didn’t know which room we would have prior to arriving and weren’t told we had this parking spot just for us when checking in, we only realised there was a spot for us the following day when exploring. Information sharing: it’s a constant bugbear of mine. I really, really wish the hospitality sector would embrace the concept of explaining simply, clearly, and fully more.
Lakeside Coastal Village is on the eastern side of Hayling Island, set out to the north of a lake (you might have guessed that), and comprising a few main buildings for dining, entertainment, and leisure, plus a number of blocks of different accommodation types. A footpath to the east of the complex allows the general public and guests to take a stroll along the island’s coastline if they wish (and we did). The accommodation types include standard chalets, lodges, cottages, and suites.
Bay Cottage
Our accommodation at Warner Lakeside was described as a Bay Cottage. Don’t expect this to be a cottage; it’s three rooms in a block consisting of five other “cottages” next to an identical set-up. Don’t expect this to have a view of the bay; ours looked out onto the car park. However, as accommodation goes, it was pretty good. A small seating area on a patio outside with a couple of chairs and a table leads into a lounge with chairs, a TV, fridge, safe, fire, coat hooks, and a welcome basket of snacks.
Adjacent to the lounge was the bedroom which housed just the bed, some unmatched side tables (with a side light only on one of them), plug sockets and drawers only on one side of the bed, and a TV. We did like the map of the local area on the wall here which contained markers and local facts. Between the bedroom and bathroom was a walk-through area with clothes hangers and more drawer space along with an iron and ironing board on one side, and a small dressing table with hair dryer opposite it.
The bathroom, like each of the rooms in the Bay Cottage, was compact but perfectly adequate for its needs. A good-size and powerful shower, a sink, some toiletries, and a toilet: what else do you need? The nicest surprise was that good quality toilet paper was supplied. Perhaps the average visitor has sensitive nether regions.
Dining And The VIP Experience At A Warner Leisure Hotel
The map wasn’t clear on things but we thought initially that there were two places you could go for drinks: the Piano Lounge and the Leisure Lounge. The former was part of the main complex of buildings next to Reception, and so that’s where we headed prior to our dining reservation. In fact, we never visited the Leisure Lounge at all, it being an area of the leisure building where the hotel’s swimming pool was located (something else we never got around to), but we saw it being utilised on the Saturday as the hotel was showing rugby on a large screen there.
The Piano Lounge was quiet when we arrived, which surprised us given how many cars we’d seen parked around the hotel area and as we knew that the weekend was sold out, but the reason for that would become clear soon enough. As a venue, this one hosts quizzes during the day, and occasional music sets in the evening. My wife’s first choice of drink – an Aspall’s – wasn’t available, which made us laugh. It was just like being on a P&O Cruise, we said.
Ah, yes. Cruising. Even though it’s almost impossible to tell from looking at this site (I might be lying here), we’re huge fans of cruising, and with the vast majority of our holiday experiences being spent at sea on ships it’s reasonable to expect that we would inevitably compare our land-based break on Hayling Island with a cruise vacation.
One thing that was not like the cruises we tend to go on was the dining arrangement. In one sense, if you’re familiar with set dining then you know the drill – you have a table that’s allocated to your travelling party and a meal time that you can set ahead of time (both for breakfast and dinner) – but the entire space at Lakeside – the largest space in the hotel – also doubled up as the main entertainment spot, so your seats were also your seats for whatever shows were taking place, which were scheduled for after the food. The closest thing we’ve experienced to this would be the Limelight Club on one of the larger P&O ships, where you’ll have a meal followed by a show, albeit with staggered meal times for all attendees. What this means in practical terms, though, is that if you choose to eat early then you’ll be sat at your table waiting for everyone else to finish before the show starts. Not a problem, but be aware of it. For us, choosing a late dining time, this worked out well with timing the end of our meal to only require a short break before the performers appeared; it also explained why the Piano Lounge had been so quiet, because almost everyone else at the hotel was in the restaurant.
Notice anything about our seating location? Raised up a bit from the people ahead of us, and dead centre with the stage. Good location. That was lucky. Or was it?
No, that was because we paid a small surcharge for what Warner call their VIP Experience. This came with the following benefits: a free drink for every night of your stay, the best seats in the house, a decorated table, and a light for summoning a waiter.
Those cards on the table were what you could exchange for a free drink for each night of your stay. One per person per night, or use them all at once; whatever you want. Weirdly, with six cards and two of us, you might be finally making use of those maths lessons from school and expecting us to have stayed at this Warner Hotel for three nights, but, as mentioned in the opening paragraph, that’s not the case. Yeah, we got an extra drink free. We didn’t say anything because, quite frankly, we knew they’d do okay out of us. Hey, they’re getting a positive hotel review on the internet. That’s got to be worth a drink each!
The lamp on the table of VIP guests was for attracting the attention of waiting staff. Our experience was that it didn’t always work as swiftly as we’d have hoped – Hey! The I stands for Important here! – but as a gimmick we were surprisingly struck by it and abused it mercilessly on that first night. You don’t want to see the pile of receipts for drinks we bought.
Here is the menu for our first night at the Lakeside Coastal Village.
The food options were reasonable and the food was good, but not spectacular. Perfectly acceptable, but if we’re comparing to a cruise – and it’s me writing this, so that’s what I’m doing – then a marked difference. You could tell just from the rapidity of service that this was all prepared way ahead of serving. If you’re anticipating a gap between courses then try to anticipate something smaller than that. No, smaller than even that. Better than a takeaway and you’re not cooking at home, though, so no complaints.
Tomato and garlic crostini for me to start with, while my wife selected the prawn and avocado cocktail.
Our main courses were the pan-fried salmon and the honey-glazed pressed ham hock.
For our desserts we picked the orange and whisky marmalade sponge pudding and the red velvet cheesecake. The cheesecake proved to be too large for my wife to finish.
And a small selection (and I really do mean a small selection) of accompanying drinks. We also had a bottle of wine.
The evening’s entertainment mostly took place in the restaurant after the food had been cleared away. A few different singers came up, one with some backing dancers and multiple changes of clothing. The quality of singing was decent, but not spectacular again. I’m comparing to cruise ships here again, but you’d probably guessed that. The guests at Hayling Island’s Lakeside Hotel seemed to enjoy it a lot, and we were thoroughly entertained by what we saw. I don’t know how much the alcohol played in all that.
I did take a few videos, but while our seating position gave us a good view of the performances, its location also meant it was frequently crossed in front of by the waiting staff. Modern phones do so love to make use of their motion-tracking to switch focus, and the result was something I’d rather not share. Imagine one woman singing hits from the eighties in the style of Cher (we think unintentionally), and imagine one woman in leather singing hits from the same period (plus a few either side of that decade) in the centre of two smiley dancers with similar moves and looks to the Cool For Cats video women and you’re almost there.
Once the music came to an end in the restaurant we filed out while the place was emptying only to find that at 23:00 more late-night music had started up back in the Piano Lounge. A bit of a crooner feel with some popular, singalong hits for the suitably inebriated, and we stayed there for a few more drinks before calling it a night.
Lakeside Hotel Photos And Shoreline Walk
Breakfast was taken in the same place as dinner the previous night, and at the same table. Rather than waiter service, this was a buffet-style affair, and while the range of food wasn’t massive it was all of good quality. Dare I say it? Yes, I’m going to dare. It was as good, if not better, than most cruise breakfast options. And very filling.
A quick mention here, though, about dining times: while we were encouraged to pick our dining times ahead of visiting this Warner Hotel, that didn’t seem to be something that was enforced, checked, or even a consideration. Rock up when you like. The only thing you need to know is that on the first day you’ll need to find out which table is yours for the duration of the stay.
After breakfast, partly to walk off what we’d just eaten, but mostly to walk off the effects of all that drinking the night before, we decided to take a little walk along the shoreline path east of the hotel. But first, a quick nose at the hotel itself. If I’d been a bit more clear-minded and if the strong and bitterly-cold wind had been slightly less forceful and chilly, then I might have grabbed shots of the various styles of chalets. However, since I didn’t, here are a few of the main buildings.
The closeness to water, the artificial boat, the small sizes of the accommodation blocks, and the chess board painted on the floor all served to conjure up memories of our visit to Portmeirion many moons before. Lakeside Coastal Village wasn’t quite as colourful or attractive in terms of its architecture, but to counter that we felt like we were less prone to attacks by inflatable balls.
We didn’t think to wander around the swimming pool area or the cinema, but did venture inside the Games Room and Gym just to see what facilities there were. It looked a decent area for entertaining yourself (snooker tables, table tennis, table football, darts) or getting some fitness in, but we weren’t in the mood for either (especially not the latter), and it looked like you needed to head to reception to get games equipment (I might be wrong) which is just an inconvenience I don’t think is deserved when you’ve got an adults-only venue. You should be able to trust adults not to be selfish and to be considerate, share things properly, look after things, think about the good of everyone and not just their own needs, surely? Wait. Wait a minute. We did see a lot of people reading Daily Mails during our stay. Yeah, forget that. Understandable policy, Warner.
Heading south from the main entrance to the hotel area brought us to the lake that gives the hotel its name. Two large fountains were there to ensure the lake was properly aerated, although the strong wind whipping in across Hayling Island was doing a splendid job all on its own in that respect. It’s possible to fish at the lake and there was plenty of birdlife to spot if you’re that way inclined.
Eastwards from our position at the lake brought us quickly to a signpost at the water’s edge. While this water – clearly at low tide despite the warning on the post – is part of Chichester Harbour, the land on the other side of the muddy dampness was still more of Hayling Island.
“Which way shall we go?” I asked.
“Footpath?”
“Sounds like a plan. We can always head towards Footpath when we get back from Footpath.”
Decision made, we headed off in the direction of Footpath.
While it remained dry all the time we stayed at Lakeside Coastal Village on Hayling Island that hadn’t been true just prior to our trip. Footpath turned out to be fairly muddy and obstructed by puddles in places, requiring careful footsteps to avoid the worst of it all. If you’re taking a holiday when there’s been some typically British weather just before then a change of sensible footwear is advised.
Not pictured, but there were some large houses with ridiculously enormous gardens that backed onto this coastal path along the Hayling Island shore. I shudder to think how much those properties cost.
Once Footpath hit a stretch that would have needed us to assume crab poses to scuttle along its edges without coating the bottom couple of centimetres of our shoes in mud we turned around and headed back, taking a fork in the path back through the top edge of the hotel grounds and around by the archery and rifle-shooting spots. I’d considered registering to book a spot for archery as it seems like a useful skill to have when civilisation collapses and we’re forced to hunt Tories for food but the hangover and persistent gale across the land encouraged me to skip it.
We finished our clearing-the-heads walk around the coastline and outskirts of the hotel by returning to the signpost we’d seen earlier and this time heading off to see what there was in the direction of Footpath. More of the same, to be fair, but with even less shelter from the wind. It wasn’t long before we turned around and headed back to our Bay Cottage chalet.
Afternoon And Evening Entertainment
We had a fairly quiet afternoon; that pesky problem of getting older but not wiser when it comes to alcohol consumption and the amount of time it now takes to process it all.
There was some rugby on we wanted to watch – not union, that was being shown in the Leisure Lounge, but the more exciting form of league (don’t bother arguing; I’m not wrong) – so we made use of our chalet’s lounge and some snacks from the welcome basket we’d received.
That done, we made our way to the Piano Lounge where a packed room was taking part in the Afternoon Trivia. The image below tells you how we did, with a win, a certificate (don’t anticipate any meaningful prizes and you won’t be disappointed), and lots of obvious puzzlement at our team name. If you know your Mystery Science Theater 3000 then you’ll need no explanation.
Menu for the second evening at Warner Lakeside and our food selections follow.
We both chose the chicken and ham terrine to start. My main course was the smoked salmon fishcake, while my wife opted for the shin and brisket of beef.
I finished off with the Belgian chocolate and salted caramel fondant. For my wife it was the cheese board. A decent enough selection, she said, but the lack of a knife rendered the butter useless and left her breaking the cheese apart with her fingers. A small thing, but something for Warner to think about if you’re not thinking ahead and planning on keeping one of your knives on the table when the staff clear away your main course.
After some amusing time-filling from the hotel staff – asking where everyone was from (“Is anyone here from Portsmouth? What, really!? Did you swim across?”) and running a ludicrously easy quiz to find a single winner of some chocolate near or past its sell-by date – the weekend’s main entertainment commenced in the form of a Tom Jones tribute act: Tom-Tastic. While Tom Jones isn’t really either of our cups of tea, there’s no disputing that the performance was spot on in terms of voice and looks. Nice to hear a load of songs outside the ones everyone knows and to appreciate the vocal talent of the hotel’s guest performer.
We had a bottle of wine with dinner, but otherwise skipped any late evening drinks given our still somewhat delicate nature and the fact I’d be driving the following morning. This meant we didn’t play with our Staff-Summoning Lamp, but, give the staff their due, this didn’t stop them coming by to ask if we wanted anything several times.
Attentive staff at dinner: good.
Final Morning, Thoughts, And Suggestions
Attentive staff at breakfast: what staff?
Other blocks of tables got offered tea and coffee and toast, just like we’d had the day before, but on the day of departure we might as well have been wearing invisibility cloaks for the half hour we queued for food, sat, and slowly ate it. Returning to my favourite form of holiday comparisons, this was something we’ve experienced on cruises a number of times so, yes, in one way, that’s nice, but in another, more important way, a sad end to our holiday with Warner Leisure Hotels. Happily, it was the only real gripe we had.
When we’d first booked a break at Lakeside Coastal Village we’d done it in the knowledge that it probably wouldn’t match what we’re more used to, but the adverts on TV and some web research had shown it would certainly be like a cruise on land in many respects. That’s all true. Cruises are better, in every aspect bar one, for us: for this hotel, its convenient proximity to our house. That ability to look out for a Friday evening and Saturday break, knowing it won’t eat into our annual leave allowance is nice. Would we book another break here, or even at one of their other locations? Maybe is the fairest answer. We wouldn’t rush back, but it’s definitely not a place that we’d say no to, especially if the right combination of programme of events and pricing made an appearance. Something to consider if you’re thinking of a Warner break: the average age of guests seemed to be around the late sixties, early seventies range, but we weren’t the youngest there by any stretch; someone was celebrating her 21st birthday (that got some comments from the entertainment staff), and there was at least one other couple in their twenties there too. The VIP experience gets a hearty recommendation from us, though. Well worth the price.
My suggestion for Warner isn’t unique – I leave almost the same feedback whenever we travel – and that is: assume the people coming not only haven’t been to your hotel before, but that they’ve never been to any hotel before. This wouldn’t just help out first-timers, but since every hotel chain or form of travel does things slightly differently, it would remove some simple errors and stop preconceptions and expectations spoiling the reality. Tell people that they’re going to have assigned restaurant and entertainment seating for the duration of their time at the hotel. Tell people where to park when first arriving. Tell people what the process is to have a swim. Do you need coins? Do you bring your towel from your room?
That concludes our brief time on Hayling Island. A very welcome break, very much needed.